Children have this unique skill of giving the simplest of solutions to the most complex of issues in life- answers to questions we ourselves never really manage to find. It’s amazing to see how innocence can address the complexities of life.

I lost my father in the early months of 2015, after a fierce and unsuccessful tryst with cancer. It was not a fight that was his alone, but it actually was the entire family’s fight. The grief that followed post death was pretty subdued. In fact it was more a relief that the pain and trauma the disease inflicted on each one of us had eased out.

Through the months of 2015, despite me settling back into normal course of life, I would stumble upon things belonging to dad and ponder about the good old days. From the fun childhood days, or the troubled teens and dads patience, and the day I left home to lead my own life. Emptiness had crept within me. Though practically I did know that death is a part and parcel of life, the image of my father’s lifeless body kept coming in my eyes. I questioned things…the soul, human existence and a general anger over why him.

This chilly new year’s eve, I sat in my verandah pondering over thoughts. It would be the first New Year without him. The warmth of the afternoon sun seemed to be the only comforting embrace, when all of a sudden my 7 year old propped her head on my lap, staring right into my face. She sensed all wasn’t well and asked me if I was missing grandpa. She had earlier asked me at the time of death as to what happened to grandpa, and where has he gone? I had then told her the usual story that now grandpa has become a star. But on New Year’s Eve, I was in no mood to give her a story that probably made no sense. So, I sulked and said, “Yes, I am missing him a lot today. It is the beginning of a new year and I don’t have my father in my life”.

My little girl thought for a while, held my hand and said, “Mamma, why do you feel sad? Grandpa is here only. He hasn’t gone anywhere”. I gave her a stare, trying to understand what this little princess of mine was trying to tell me. She continued, “See Mamma, he has just become a star and it is morning time now, so you are not able to see him. When it is night-time, he will come out then you can see him”. She didn’t stop there. She added, “Grandpa is seeing you always, but you aren’t looking at him because you are always sad and then sleep in the night. So grandpa should miss you”…

 I had a hearty laugh. Not that what she said made much sense to me, but I realized she had found answers in her own way, in her own convincing way. Answers filled with innocence. It made me feel better and I smiled with an uncanny lightness in my heart.

As the New Year 2016 begins, this little advice from her gives me a great deal of solace, something that I was in search of through the year 0f 2015. And yes… I have now actually started looking at the sky, searching for the star. I haven’t found it yet but I want to believe her story, believe that the star is there looking down upon me.

Call it the child in me, or may be the grown up in her.

Image Source: http://www.inewyearstatus.com/good-bye-2015-welcome-2016-quotes-wishes-images/

“I’m sharing my #TalesOf2015 with BlogAdda.”